Here’s the one thing husbands can do to turn their marriages around…
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This episode is brought to you by my men’s event… The Understanding Way Weekend for Christan Husbands. You can find out more at www.ChristianHomeandFamily.com/uww
There is a lot of joking that happens surrounding the differences between men and women, mainly because the differences are very real. We men see things differently, experience things differently, and think about things differently than our wives do – and as a result, all kinds of things can happen.
Confusion. Conflicts. Disagreements. Even divorce.
But guys, I’m here to tell you that those don’t have to be the outcome for your marriage. There is a whole lot you can do to make a tremendous difference in your marriage.
Do you remember the “damsel in distress” kind of stories?
The ones where the princess is in mortal danger and the knight in shining armor rides in to save the day? Those types of stories resonate with people for a reason: They demonstrate how God has wired us as men and women.
Every woman I’ve ever met, regardless of her background, WANTS her man to treasure her like one of those damsels in distress… not because she’s egotistical, but because she NEEDS that kind of devotion from the man in her life. It’s how God has wired her.
The Apostle Paul said it this way…
You may respond, “There’s nothing in there that says my wife NEEDS me to treasure her!” – and I’ll admit, Paul never uses those words. But stop for a second and think it through…
WHY would God give husbands the command to love their lives as much as they love themselves? The answer? Because their wives NEED that kind of love.
In fact, a few verses earlier, we’re told,
does the church. (Ephesians 5:28-29).
Notice the words Paul uses there… nourishes, cherishes… those are words of deep concern and great care. Those are the ways a husband is supposed to love his wife… because she NEEDS that kind of love.
So… back to you and your wife: Your wife WANTS you to be her hero. She wants to matter so much to you, that you would put yourself at risk to save her, if needed. She WANTS to have confidence that you love her, and always will, no matter what.
That is what gives your wife security in your relationship. It’s what fuels her emotional/relational fires. It’s what enables her to fully trust you.
I can’t tell you the number of guys I’ve counseled who don’t get this and wonder why their marriage is in such a mess. Doesn’t it just make sense that if your wife doesn’t feel loved and cherished, she’s not going to trust you in other areas? Doesn’t it make sense that if she’s not confident of your care for her, she’s going to have a hard time following your leadership?
Guys… you can turn your marriage around. You can build a marriage like you never dreamed, by learning how to do this one, simple thing:
delight in your wife.
Here’s two practical suggestions:
Learn to view her as a treasure:
Consider this reality: Your wife is the life partner your God has given to you, and He gives the very BEST gifts. Now, depending on what you’ve gone through with your wife, it may take you a bit of time to get your head around that one. There could be a lot of hurt between you, a lot of wrong she’s done toward you that makes it hard to view her as a treasure. But guys, a lot of what she’s become may be at least partly your doing, by not treasuring her as you should have. God gave her to you to be a help to you, an asset, a benefit to your life. She is a personal gift from the all-powerful God. That means she is a treasure.
Learn to treat her like a treasure – every day.
Think for a second about your car, or your hunting rifle, or your favorite sports team. When something is extremely valuable to you, you take care of it. You check up on it. You follow through to make sure it’s in good repair. You seek to know the most up to date information about it.
What if that “thing” is not a thing at all, but a person – like your wife? You do the same kinds of things. You find out how she’s really doing, every day. You show interest in her and what’s important to her. You make sure she has everything she needs in order to be healthy and happy. You make her concerns your own. You listen, you care, you nurture, you cherish.
Guys, the truth is, your wife is more important than your work, your hobbies, your car, your friends… and she should be cared for accordingly. It may not be natural for you to do those things, and they may even feel a bit awkward at first, but those are the kinds of “lay down your life” sacrifices you are called to make.
In that same passage, Paul says,
Jesus is your example, so as a man of God, as a follower of Jesus, it’s time for you to man-up. Make it your greatest ambition in life to glorify God by learning how to delight in your wife.
As a result, you’ll see all kinds of benefits in your relationship, your family, your parenting, and in your life as a whole.