radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
Connect with Carey on Google+
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
Connect with Carey on Google+
When is the last time you saw a kid throw a tantrum? It’s not a pretty sight.
But do you know what’s even uglier?
When adults do the same thing.
Ok, they don’t fall on the floor and roll around (typically), but they do other equally immature things…
The silent treatment.
Say “nothing” when asked what is bothering them.
Mope around the house and refuse to talk about it.
Say they are not upset while secretly sabotaging another person.
Gossip / slander.
See what I mean?
Taking charge of your emotional health
Emotionally healthy people don’t do the things listed above. Why? Because they stay on top of what is going on inside their own souls, and deal with what they find in a healthy (godly) way.
One way to approach that process is through periodically taking an emotional inventory. Just like you’d assess your bank account every so often (I hope), or check the oil level in your car (I hope), you need to check your emotional condition.
How do you go about doing one of these emotional inventories?
You ask yourself questions, a TON of questions… and you work hard to be honest with yourself.
Here’s a sample list of the type of questions you should be asking… and please know these are not all the questions you could ask…
Joyful about? Optimistic about? Encouraged by?
Excited about? Peaceful about
Emotional health only comes through truth
What do you do with the answers you discover? You take them to the LORD (through His word), and let the light of His truth shine on them.
In other words, you need the LORD to show you what is true about what you are feeling and what is not true.
That’s the only way you’ll be able to know how you should be thinking and acting.
Emotions rightly handled will bring great peace and contentment.
Emotions wrongly handled will wreck your life, and the lives of those you love.
Lean heavily on God’s truth…
Feeling unloved? – remember that nothing can separate you from God’s love – Romans 8:38-39
Feeling condemned? – remind yourself that Christ has taken away all your condemnation – Romans 8:1
Feeling hopeless? – trust God to work all things for your good – Romans 8:28
Learn to use the truth of scripture to bring your unruly emotions into line… It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
Help your children be emotionally healthy too
A tantrum is evidence that kids don’t know how to handle emotions either. Too often parents don’t know what to do with a tantrum, or an emotional outburst… and so they do nothing.
Don’t do your kids such a disservice. Help them unpack what they are feeling. As their parent, it’s your job.
Talk with them about their emotions… sometimes multiple choice questions prove helpful.
“Johnny, what are you feeling? Is it…
Anger?
Frustration?
Fear?
Embarrassment?
Then teach them what to do with the answers they discover (sound familiar?). Teach them God’s truth about what they are feeling… just like you have to teach it to yourself.
Speak it, talk about it, explain it. Read the Bible with them. Your kids need the truth of the scriptures to illuminate their lives just like you do.
Some helpful resources for teaching your kids scripture…
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
Connect with Carey on Google+
OK, I’ll admit the words “life plan” do not appear in the Bible. But the expectation that Christians are to live life INTENTIONALLY is everywhere! God expects things of you and your life (Matthew 25:14-26), and…
you need to be living on purpose instead of by happen-stance.
Another part of the picture is this: You don’t know how long your life will last, so it would be smart to get started figuring out what you’re supposed to be doing with it.
Do you have a life plan? If you don’t, you should. Because this subject is so important, this post is going to be a tad bit longer than usual, but it’s worth it.
My story
When Mindi and I married, I didn’t think in terms of a life plan. I lived day to day, rolling with whatever came. It’s a pretty stress-free way to live, but you never really get anywhere you want to go.
image: Alan Cleaver on flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/alancleaver/2378525120/
After we’d been married a few years, Mindi began to refer to my way of living as “floating.” She meant that I was floating through life, not being intentional about my thoughts, time, relationships, direction, talents – anything! I finally came to admit she was right. Not only was I floating through life, I didn’t know how NOT to float.
I thank God that He gave me a wife who is exactly the opposite. Her life is lived intentionally. Underneath her purposeful living is a life plan – she desires to bring glory to her Savior with every aspect of her life. As I was getting to know her (1988) that was one of the first things I noticed about her. She was intentional about her life because she was intentional about loving her Savior (John 14:15).
What a life plan looks like
Your life plan will be as individual as you. God has made you who you are, put you into history where you are, taken you through the experiences you’ve had, and given you your personality and talents ON PURPOSE. He’s made you a very specific tool that He wants to use in very specific ways during the days He has you on the planet. Your job is to make yourself available to what He has in mind.
And how do are you supposed to know what He has in mind for you? It’s called “walking in the Spirit,” (Galatians 5:16), and it’s how God guides us into His will. When you placed your faith in Christ, the Spirit of God came to live inside you. He’s been given to you to be your Helper and Guide (John 14:16, John 16:13), to show you, step-by-step, what the LORD desires for you to do. He’s also the power source by which you do the will of God (Ephesians 3:16). So God is not a tyrant who expects things of you but doesn’t help. He’s exactly the opposite. When He expects things of your life, He also gives you what you need in order to do what He expects.
How to develop your life plan
Your life plan could be simple, or it could be very detailed. Which it is will depend on a lot of things. Personality, gifting, temperament, experiences, and many others. For now, let’s look at the two extremes. As an example, Mindi and I are pretty opposite:
Mindi does NOT have a detailed life plan (it’s not written, she didn’t spend a lot of time “working on it,” and she never had anyone teach her how to do it). But you can be sure, she HAS a life plan that guides her every day. In her case, it’s a mixture of the gifts and personality God has given her that make her such a “natural” at living on purpose.
I DO have a detailed life plan (it is written, I did spend a lot of time “working on it,” and I have learned from others how to develop it – Mindi, mainly). In my case, I had to seek the LORD diligently and watch what He was doing in my life to “discover” who He’s made me to be and how I’m to serve Him.
Some people know intuitively or naturally what their life is about. Mindi has known since a very young age that she’s called and wired to be a wife, Mom, and a teacher and counselor to others.
Others don’t come by this as naturally and need to spend time seeking the LORD’s heart on the issue. That’s me. After 45 years, I’ve just begun to see who God has made me to be, and what He has wired me to do for His sake.
If you feel like you need to develop a clear, on-paper life plan there are many tools you can use to get the creative juices flowing… mind-mapping software, word clouds, or coaching from someone who has been through the process. But if you’d like to give it a try all on your own, here’s what I suggest as a starter:
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide and reveal throughout the process. It’s the LORD’s plan for your life that you are after – not something you dream up.
Write down all the “roles” God has placed you in – child of the Father, spouse, parent, friend, employee, etc.
Rewrite those roles in order of importance from God’s point of view. (I covered this in a podcast episode. You might want to give it a listen.)
Write down what you prayerfully consider to be God’s purpose for putting you into each of those roles. In other words, what results does God expect to come of you being in each role?
Next, consider the gifts and abilities the LORD has given to you. You may want to go through a gifts analysis to help you do this. (This is one I created you can have for free).
Once you have identified the “goals” that you are shooting for in each role, and once you have an idea for how God has uniquely gifted you, try to summarize each role-goal in a short, clear statement of purpose that takes into consideration how God has uniquely designed you.
Finally, try to put them all together in a short, easy to understand series of statements. Take your time and refine each sentence until it says exactly what you feel it should say. When you are finished you have a basic life plan.
There is a ton more that could go into this process, and likely a ton more that will. Each person will discover different steps that are helpful to them along the way. But this should serve as track on which you can get started in creating your life plan.
My life plan: one example
It wasn’t too long ago that I finally got my life plan on paper. I did it following a process very much like what I described above. Here is my finished product:
Because Jesus is more than worthy of all my life can ever be…
I will BE a godly man, husband, father, and friend. I will USE His gifts in me to magnify His worth to others. I will SERVE others as a model, mentor, leader, teacher, and writer. I will DO all this depending fully on Jesus, who lives in me.
If you don’t have a life plan, get started on it. If you need some help, I offer life coaching - so feel free to contact me. (If you are part of my church family, give me a call – it’s free for you!). And once you get your own life plan on track, begin thinking about how you can teach this sort of intentionality to your kids! And I’d love to hear how this process goes for you, so feel free to contact me or post your own life plan in the comments below!
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
Connect with Carey on Google+
The Apostle Paul did… Romans 7 gives us his account of the confusion that he once struggled with in trying to figure out that very issue. But thanks be to God, Paul was taught by God to understand that struggle, and therefore we can understand it too.
The following SCREENCAST is me, doing a bit of teaching (with some cool graphics), about this very thing.
I can’t tell you how literally TRANSFORMATIONAL the truths contained in this teaching have been to my own life. You need to know this stuff… and you need the Spirit of God to make it take root deep in your soul.
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
Connect with Carey on Google+
In our day of hurry, get-it-quick, microwave living, we don’t know the meaning of the word “rest.” But in reality, resting can be spiritual – one of the most spiritual things you can do at certain times. You may not understand… so let me give you a quick rundown of the concept.
Resting can be spiritual – Old Testament
God instituted the Sabbath in the Old Testament (Exodus 20:10-11) as a day of rest for His people, Israel. Depending on what religious background you hail from, you may have heard any number of things about the “Sabbath” being the LORD’s day, a day of worship, etc. But the Old Testament truth is that it was all about rest. Six days were for work, one was for rest.
Resting can be spiritual – New Testament
The New Testament does not require observance of the Sabbath by those who place their faith in Christ. That’s because all of the Old Testament laws were fulfilled in Christ, so we Christians are not required to observe them as a means toward receiving favor from God (Colossians 2:16). But that doesn’t mean the principle behind the Sabbath is not a wise one for today. Jesus Himself said that “the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” (Mark 2:27). TRANSLATION: The Sabbath was made for your benefit, not to be a tyrant over you.
What benefit is the principle of Sabbath? Rest… that’s the benefit. You are a human being, made to NEED rest. God designed you in such a way that you spend 1/3 of your life unconscious (sleeping). That fact alone tells you, YOU NEED REST! God’s command to His Old Covenant people (Israel) to take a day off each week was designed to keep them from running themselves ragged… to PROVIDE a much needed rest for them.
Resting can be spiritual - My story
My wife and I became very convicted about this almost 10 years ago. We attended a retreat within our denomination and the speaker presented a series of talks about Sabbath rest. We both felt a nudge to consider whether we were honoring God with our bodies through the practice of regular, intentional rest. So we left that retreat and worked out a “day off” plan that works for us. Here’s what we do currently…
Mindi’s “day off” is Friday – she can do whatever she wants – read, go out with friends, watch a movie, nap, pray, etc. – anything except her “normal” work (taking care of the home and kids). On that day, since I’m off from the church, I take care of all those things.
My day off is Saturday – same rules apply for me. I do wood carving, read, nap, talk with the kids, whatever – anything except my “normal” work (computer stuff, counseling, sermon prep., etc.)
Suggestions for putting it into practice
Do it. Don’t make excuses, make it happen.
If you married couples can pull off a Sabbath on the same day, more power to you. We couldn’t do it. Inevitably Mindi wound up at least fixing meals even on her “day off.”
Husbands take care to make sure your wife is getting time to rest. She works as hard as you (or harder), even if she is not earning a paycheck.
Teach your kids about rest, and give them “days off” too.
Include thoughtful times of reflection and prayer, to bring a sense of peace and rest to your spirit as well as your body.
Don’t kid yourself… you really DO need the rest.
Don’t get all “legalistic” about it. If circumstances periodically keep you from having your down-time, flex – but make an extra effort to ensure you get it the next week.
After practicing this almost 10 years, we can’t imagine our lives being sane without it. The difficulties we’ve faced in life have been HUGE, and these regular times of rest have been instrumental in helping us weather those storms. And more importantly, we are honoring God by resting. How’s that? By resting we are reminding ourselves that we don’t have to be striving to keep life in check. God does that, and we learn to trust Him.
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
Connect with Carey on Google+
BUT… I have come to recognize that emotions are responders – they react to to the stimulus they receive (through information, circumstance, or hormones). Because of that fact, they can’t always be trusted. That can become problematic when your emotions are too dominant in relation to your daily time with the LORD.
Truth VS Emotion
God’s word is truth (John 17:17)… and it’s important that you have that truth firmly rooted in the depths of your being. Why? Because your emotions won’t always line up with that truth.When they do, they can be an enriching blessing. When they don’t… you have a battle on our hands.
In order to be a consistent example and leader in your home, you must learn to base your beliefs and actions on the truth of the word of God, in spite of what you may feel to the contrary.
Emotional hurdles you might face
PROBLEM: You won’t wake up each morning enthused and excited about spending time with the Lord. Sometimes the bed will be more inviting, other times you’ll be eager to get started with work, jobs around the house… whatever. The point is, you’re just not feeling it. Does that mean you shouldn’t do it? If you say “yes” or “maybe” – your emotions are ruling.
SOLUTION: Learn to bring your emotions into submission to the Holy Spirit, who lives inside you (Galatians 5:16). HE will provide the self-control you need (Galatians 5:22-23).
PROBLEM: The time you devote to being with the LORD may sometimes feel pretty dry. Does that mean you didn’t spend quality time with God? Does it mean that something is wrong? Does it mean that you aren’t “doing it right?” Your emotions are likely to tell you a very loud, “Yes” to every one of those questions… and if you listen, then they are ruling.
SOLUTION: You must learn to rely on the truth of God’s word, that He IS drawing near to you as you draw near to Him (James 4:8) – despite what your emotions may be telling you.
PROBLEM:When you have sinned, your emotions will try to convince you that you are “too guilty” to go to God. Are you guilty? As sin. But does that mean God will reject you if you come to Him? If you think it does… then your emotions are ruling.
SOLUTION: The truth is that Jesus has already done everything needed to make it possible for you to be in intimate and confident relationship with God (Hebrews 4:16; Hebrews 10:22). Your sin, though serious, is more than covered by the gracious gift of Jesus’ death on the cross, and Jesus is your Advocate before the Father (1 John 2:1).
Emotions can be a great bonus to your relationship with the LORD – but be careful to let the truth of scripture serve as their guide.
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
Connect with Carey on Google+
“Emotional health and spiritual maturity are inseparable. It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.”
That is a quote from one of the most important books I read while gone on my sabbatical, late 2011 into early 2012. (You can read more about the amazing impact that time away had on my wife and me, here). ”The Emotionally Healthy Church” [A] by Peter Scazzero was a wonderful blessing to me. The book expressed things I’ve felt for a long time, but had not been able to articulate clearly. They were things my dear wife has taught me for years.
Honestly, when I first read the title, I wasn’t interested. It sounded like a load of psycho-pop nonsense. Then I picked it up and began to read, and I found myself enthralled.
Pastor Peter Scazzero speaks from his experience as an emotionally scarred person and a struggling Pastor. He reveals a very helpful understanding of the relationship between emotional health and spiritual health.
His book covers 6 “steps” in a process of coming to grips with your emotional wounds…
Learn to look beneath the surface of problems.
With God’s help, break the power of past wounds, failures, sins, and circumstances.
Learn to live a life of brokenness and vulnerability.
Recognize and honor personal limitations and boundaries.
Embrace grief and loss.
Make incarnation your model to love others.
I found his insight and treatment into this process toward emotional health very helpful. I was encouraged to re-examine my own life to ensure that I am indeed emotionally healthy. My only criticism is that there are too many stories. No kidding. In most books there aren’t enough illustrations or examples, but this author doesn’t have that problem. I found myself skipping the stories to get to the practical points the author was making. But on the other hand, it’s possible that the number of “real life” stories included contribute to the authenticity of the book. This book is about real people finding real healing, ending in emotional health.
There is a “companion” book of sorts, “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” [A]. It may be a better fit for individuals seeking to allow Christ to bring about healing in their lives. In addition, there are small group and church-wide kits to focus on these issues on a larger scale. I strongly encourage you to get these books. You may need this kind of in-depth, Spirit-led “soul searching” and don’t even know it.
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
Connect with Carey on Google+
A quick review: The soul is a mysterious and complex combination of three things – mind, will, and emotions.
Prior posts in this series
can be found here, here, & here
My soul health story
I didn’t grow up with a clear understanding of how the soul is arranged, or how it is designed to function. Unless those who raised you had a unique understanding of these things, you probably didn’t either. I was a pre-teen before I was able to recognize the distinctions between mind, will, and emotions. But that doesn’t mean that I understood them in relationship to my soul. I just knew they were all 3 in me someplace, and somehow made up “me.” And I knew that I didn’t understand them… especially the emotions.
I lived in that ignorance for many years until my wife and I came across the teaching of the late Dr. Bill and Anabel Gillham[affiliate link] of Lifetime Ministries. I remember listening to a cassette tape album of theirs on my Sony Walkman(c) as I drove to work. It was called ”The Victorious Christian Life.”
For the first time I was learning, from the scriptures, about the complicated mix that swirled around inside me every day – and I realized very quickly that it was a sinful mess.
Since that time, we have purchased and benefited greatly from a DVD series they produced called, “The Life,” which we’ve used in small group settings so many times I can’t remember all of them.
The truths Bill and Anabel gleaned from the word of God and shared with me were transformative. That’s not an exaggeration. What follows is my attempt at conveying those life-changing truths to you.
Before we get too far into it, let’s make sure we are clear on a few things…
The mind
Your mind is not the same as your brain. Your brain is a body organ, made of physical stuff: DNA, cells, etc. (body health will be covered in the next section). But your mind is something different. Think of it this way: while you are on planet earth, which is a physical place, your mind is expressedthrough the proper functioning of your brain, which is a physical body organ. But they are not one and the same. If your mind were your brain, then when your body died your ability to think would stop because your brain would no longer be functioning. But that can’t be the case because the Bible tells us that the life you are to enjoy with God after this life is through, is a life of great awareness (1 Corinthians 2:7-9; 2 Corinthians 5:8-9; Philippians 1:21-23; Philippians 3:20-21). In heaven you will still have a mind – the ability to think.
Your mind’s job is to analyze data having to do with your circumstances, situations, feelings, input from others, etc., and make recommendations about possible courses of action, to your will. So what does your will do?
The will
Your will is what Bill Gillham has called your “chooser.” It is at the top of the chain-of-command and eventually makes every decision, from small things to large things, from fairly trivial things to very important things. For example: with your will you decide what color of socks you are going to wear each day, and with your will you decide to obey God or disobey God. The will makes its decisions based on the input received from the mind and the emotions. I already told you how the mind analyzes data and makes recommendations to the will, but how do the emotions figure in to that? We’ll get there in just a minute… but first, a small but important detour.
It is popular in our day to hear people talking about humans having a “free will.” What is usually meant is that we have the ability to choose. No argument there, we not only have the ability to choose, but the responsibility before God to choose (one of many biblical examples: Joshua 24:14). But to say that our will is “free” implies much more than the ability to make choices… it is saying that our will is unhindered, unrestrained, that we have no limits on our will, which is surely not true. For example, I can will to fly up into the sky like Superman, but it won’t happen. That’s because my will is bound by many things (natural laws, limitations on my ability, God, etc.). As followers of Christ we must understand that our will, like every other created thing, is limited by the will of God (Proverbs 16:33). His will is the boundary beyond which our wills are unable to pass. That’s what we mean when we say that God is sovereign.
The emotions
Your emotions are the part of you that feels things like love, peace, anger, joy, fear, etc. God designed your emotions to be a blessing to you. But because you are tainted by the affects of sin, the way your emotions interact with the rest of your being is not always as God intended. I don’t have to tell you how powerful emotions can be (sorry, I just did). In Pastoral counseling (and my own life) I’ve seen that many, many individuals are controlled by their emotions, literally. You may be one of them.
When your emotions are dominant, you don’t think rationally through a situation. Instead, you wing-it based on what you feel. You might give some sort of credence to the facts and details of a situation, but in the end, you go with what you feel. You might even rationalize your decisions to fit what you feel. When that is your main mode of operation, you tend to make decisions that are not good. Personally, I’ve noticed that when my emotions are dominant I tend to act out of them. Fear, suspicion, insecurity – when I’m emotionally driven, these rule me instead of a commitment to obey God. I’m not saying your emotions are bad. I’m just saying that in your fallen state, your emotions are suspect.
How the soul is designed to work
In this section we are going to look at how all 3 parts of the soul – mind, will, and emotions – are designed by God to function. In other words, we’re going to examine the template, the prototype by which God designed us, so that we can use it as a standard by which to evaluate how our souls are actually functioning.
Using the diagram again, let’s look at how this triune nature of man is supposed to operate.
1. A circumstance occurs – anything from hearing a delightful song, to receiving news that a loved one has died.
2. That information comes to you through the body (eyes, ears, nose, etc.), and depending on the situation, your body may actually get involved in processing the information through hormonal or adrenaline surges, increased heartbeat, etc.
3. The information is relayed to the mind and emotions (the soul). The mind’s job is to evaluate the information based on the facts. The emotions evaluate the situation based on instinct or feeling, combined with any physical responses from the body.
4. Both mind and emotions pass on their “conclusions” about the situation to the will.
5. The Christian’s spirit engages with the will at this point. It will draw on insight from the word of God, the counsel of fellow believers, and the Spirit of God who indwells them, to come to a decision about the God-honoring, Christ-exalting way to handle or respond to the situation.
That’s how it is supposed to work.
In a healthy person, where things are working pretty much according to God’s design, there’s a likelihood that a good decision will be made. But in an unhealthy person (one with physical, mental or emotional difficulties… or strong flesh patterns), the chances of a good decision are drastically reduced.
Learning to steward your soul
Being a Christian doesn’t make you immune to the possibility of having an unhealthy soul. Because of some physical or mental limitation, you may be unable to mentally comprehend or grasp the realities you’re facing. Or you could be subject to emotional imbalances of varying degrees due to traumatic events in your past which limit your ability to respond rationally. My experience tells me that most people have “junk” in that last category that they don’t even know about.
The challenge you and I face as followers of Jesus Christ is in dealing rightly with what may be life-long habits of feeling, thinking, or behavior. And don’t kid yourself, it is a significant challenge.
You’ve been feeling, thinking, and behaving the way you do for your whole life, and by now it seems “normal” to you. But just because it’s “normal” to you doesn’t mean that it’s right or good or Christ-honoring.
God has revealed truth to us, through Jesus Christ and the revelation of the gospel, and as Bill Gillham used to say, we are “on the hook” to live in ways that are worthy of that truth (Ephesians 4:1; Philippians 1:27; Colossians 1:10; 1 Thessalonians 2:12).
It’s your responsibility, as a steward of the life Jesus Christ has given you, to have the healthiest soul you can possibly have, for His glory!
That’s a tall order, but not an impossible one, thanks to the gracious nature and lavish gifts of our God! He’s provided us Himself in the person of the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17). His resources are now ours, to enable and empower lives that are indeed worthy of His gospel (John 15:5-8; Romans 8:3-4; Galatians 5:13-25, 2 Peter 1:3-4). As we continue walking through these topics together, I’ll unpack more of what it means to have Christ living in you through the Holy Spirit, and how that practically impacts daily living.
The connection to your Christian home and family
Simply because of the name of my website (ChristianHomeAndFamily.com), you might think that my first posts would be addressing marriage as the foundation for a home, or that I’d already be talking about biblical parenting strategies. But I haven’t – and of course, that’s intentional. I believe that a home and a family can only be Christ-centered when Christ is at the center of the individual lives of those who are leading and living in that home or family.
What does that mean practically? It means that before moms and dads attempt to find new parenting strategies or tips for a more peaceful home life, they need to learn how to live out the Christian faith they profess, in the way God has prescribed. They need to be able to consistently model what a healthy Christian is before they can pass it along to others in their home. Whoever you are (husband, wife, mom, dad, brother, grandparent, etc.), you need to be on the road toward centering your life around Christ before you can expect others to follow you.
That is what’s at the core of this website; individual people, walking daily with their Savior. Keep reading, learning, and applying what you receive here… and together we’ll move toward establishing our homes and families as ones that are truly Christian.
A homework assignment for you
I’ve given you a lot of information so far, and I know it can be mind-boggling when you first start something like this – especially if it is filled with entirely new concepts. Here’s my suggestion.
Take what you’ve already received (these first posts – here, here, here, and here on this page) and slowly digest them over the next few weeks.
Use them as your daily devotional or quiet time.Read and re-read the words, asking the Holy Spirit to teach you as you do. He will be faithful to help you.
When scriptures are given, look them up, ponder them, meditate on their truth. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly (Colossians 3:16).
If you find yourself stuck, or not understanding something… feel free to shoot me a question. I’ll help however I can.
Trust the LORD to guide you, because He will.
Q: How would you judge the health of your soul?
Q: What emotional, mental, or will-oriented things make it hard for you to obey Christ?
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
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As I said in the last post… your stewardship before God begins with yourself. You can’t lead others to be healthy, unless you are healthy. You won’t be able to lead others, until you lead yourself – and I’m sure you know, that’s not as easy as it sounds. We are complex creatures.
God made us beautifully complex from the moment of creation. Unspoiled by sin, I’m sure Adam and Eve were a wonder to behold. I wish I could have known them (someday I will). But when sin entered the picture it twisted their (and our) beautiful complexity into a mess that is itself complicated beyond recognition. Emotional instability, mental illness, birth defects, personality issues, and many more such things are examples of what sin’s presence in the world has done to us. Because of that fact, every one of us has been tainted by sin’s far-reaching effects in multiple ways, from the inside out.
THAT is a big part of why it’s extremely difficult for us to take responsibility for ourselves.
We are broken in ways beyond our comprehension, but nevertheless are called by our Savior to be responsible stewards anyway.
That’s the starting point for this website & everything I have to say. You are probably here because you want to build a Christ-centered home: to have a healthy, Christ-honoring marriage, to see your children love the LORD with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, to extend His kingdom through your family. But before we can go there, we have to understand this: we don’t have a chance of creating Christ-centered homes unless we learn how to be Christ-centered, healthy individuals first.
If you are going to be a good steward of yourself, then you need to understand yourself as best you can. You, and everyone in your home, are created by God in a “triune” sort of way. You are made up of body, soul, and spirit. I know there’s been an ongoing debate through the years about whether man is made up of two parts (body and soul) or three parts, as I’ve suggested. I’m not going to get into all that, for two reasons.
1) There are plenty of other, wonderful resources where you can find information on that debate.
2) I’m personally settled on the issue after years of study. I truly believe the scripture clearly teaches that God has made us with body, soul, and spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:23).
What do I mean by those?
The body is obvious, it’s the biological shell that houses us as we walk planet earth. It requires nutritious food, adequate rest, and sufficient exercise in order to do its job.
The soul is an intangible part of us that is comprised of mind (our ability to think), will (our ability to choose), and emotions (our ability to feel).
The spirit is also intangible and is the part of us that discerns, understands, and applies truly spiritual things. The spirit of the Christian communes directly with God, and grows into Christ-likeness over time through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:14, 1 Corinthians 6:11).
It sounds neat and tidy the way I’ve just explained it, but it’s not. The three parts of man are woven together in intricate ways that will forever remain a mystery to us. But for our purposes it is helpful to recognize these three parts of who we are. Each of them is an area of our own lives over which God has made us stewards. In other words, we are to rightly manage and care for every part of who God has made us to be – body, soul, and spirit.
Personally, I have traveled far too long on the road of life without a balanced and right awareness of my responsibility in each of those areas. At any given time, I have excelled in maintaining one, or in good seasons possibly two of them, and ignored the other(s).
As God has shown me the importance of being healthy in all three areas, He’s brought a deep conviction to my heart, and has convinced me that I need to pass those convictions on to others who are willing to learn, listen, and apply them to their own lives. My prayer is that you might be one of them.
I said all that to say this…
It won’t take you long to notice that in every area of this website, the theme of good stewardship in all 3 of those areas will be emphasized repeatedly. To use a modern phrase, I’m addressing the health of the Christian home and family in a “holistic” way, which should be nothing new, since it’s how God has always seen us and dealt with us. In approaching your life and home in this way, I’m encouraging you to take Paul’s words seriously when he says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31).
In the pages of this website, I’ll cover areas that seem natural for a website focusing on the Christian home and family – marriage, parenting, communication, etc. But I will also write on things that may not seem to fit that topic as naturally – nutrition, exercise, education, etc.
The reason?
God intends our lives to be integrated, not segmented or compartmentalized, and the stewardship of our lives needs to be carried out in light of that truth.
So, as we wrap up this post, prayerfully and seriously consider:
You are body – physical, with physical needs.
You are soul – emotional, mental, willful, all which have their particular needs.
You are spirit – able to relate to God in deep, meaningful relationship. Your spirit has its distinct needs as well.
And here’s the kicker – you are RESPONSIBLE before God to steward each of those areas well.
Q: What difference does it make to you that you are body, soul, and spirit?
Q: How can you better steward yourself (and consequently, your family) in all 3 of those areas?
radical follower of Christ, husband, dad, writer, blogger, podcaster, marriage & family coach, counselor, speaker, retiring Pastor, and all around good guy (because of Christ).
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You can’t do it all.
When is the last time you saw a kid throw a tantrum? It’s not a pretty sight.
In our day of hurry, get-it-quick, microwave living, we don’t know the meaning of the word “rest.” But in reality, resting can be spiritual – one of the most spiritual things you can do at certain times. You may not understand… so let me give you a quick rundown of the concept.
I wouldn’t say I’m an overly emotional guy… but I did cry the first time I watched “
“Emotional health and spiritual maturity are inseparable. It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.”
![DA13194-CP: The Emotionally Healthy Church: A Strategy for Discipleship That Actually Changes Lives Audiobook [Download]](http://g.christianbook.com/g/display/d/da13194-cp.gif "DA13194-CP: The Emotionally Healthy Church: A Strategy for Discipleship That Actually Changes Lives Audiobook [Download]")
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